Sunday, January 30, 2005
thought things over

dear xxxxxxxxxxxxxx,

there's no use getting to the bottom of this. Our own anger,frustration,distrust have scarred one another. wounds can heal but the scars will remain.

After thinking things through, i just wish to say i'm sorry.

I'm not interested in finding out what really happened. The scars i've inflicted upon you have awakened my guilty-ness; enough to make me just want to apologise to you.

I don't wish to say anything else.

I just wish to say i'm sorry

My brains were working @ 13:00


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Saturday, January 29, 2005
ouch - you got hit

you shot yourself on the foot. i can't stand liars. maybe i'm being too judgemental. i don't care. how come it doesn't tally. i thought i could trust you but you prove me wrong. you shot yourself on the foot. sad to say but i've trapped you in your own circle of lies. you can't fool me. you should have picked honesty.

My brains were working @ 23:45


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wonderful day ruined by....

someone. I'm not gonna be mean and diss you on the internet coz my mama taught me better than that...hell, in front of friends, act fierce; say this and that - as if you're such a terror. in front of me, when i tried to shoot you, try to be nice.... coward! why don't you have the guts to tell me what you said to the other people as well. who do you think you're fooling here. i can't take this shit no more.

My brains were working @ 23:21


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cckss vs yiss....2-0,cck!!!

congrats to our school soccer team!!!! they won their home match vs yiss....yeah baby yeah! finally, cck sports can take-off.....
after drama 2day, i went to watch the match with the rest of the girls...kiter dtg jek, we were the most noisy, with me n delia shouting and cheering....the rest of the girls that were watching were just chit chatting amongst themselves, hardly cheered...hee3...we sat somewhere towards the goalpost where the action is,so obviously we were going wild and crazy! hee3...
to angah, jgn lar kau kecik hati tak dpt score 2 kali sak..miss by sikit jek tau...takpe....next week ade match lagik...to my dearest brother...along..congrats for scoring!!!! you scored the first goal!!! and to achik lawa seh the penalty kick....hahakz....rambut pon kiut kau ikat camtu....hahakz....waaah..seme budak2 grago jingo eh yang score....i miss seeing the grago jinggo team play their matches every sunday...hee3...biaselar, when i was with ahem dulu, couple of times i followed them and watch them play....miss abg wadi seh...die dgn lawak dier yang tak abis2...sheesh...and the rest of the gang...fad, am, sakti...ngn their own renditions of lagu2 jiwang and techno...hahakz....those were the days....hee3
oh ya...how can i forget my own cousin - the team captain - khairul!!!! jgn sedih2 eh tak dpt score...next match can still try again...
mcm gerek gitu tgk match bola with my girlfriends...hee3....usually we'll be bored..but there was a difference just now...hee3...don't know how it arises in the first place...then at the end of the match, they were asking when's the next match! hahakz...i think next week friday we'll support the team again.....
ouh ya then when i reached home, while lying on the bed and reading the newspapers, i fell asleep. That was around 8+ when the p10 top 20 countdown started. I did not wake up until 11pm! so now, i can't sleep! and i'm supp to meet the gang at 8.30am 2mr at mc teck whye to have breakfast together before reporting at 9.30 for the newspaper collection e. cip day....then, we'll go bowling...and pool!!!!! so home clothes is a must...i was comtemplating to just use a plain shirt or my tight sleeveless one....then after a while..aiyah..go bowling only what...so use plain tshirt lor....oh my god! i've started using singlish! muahaha.....that's not a good sign. i'll better stop writing now before i sprout any more rubbish!!!!!
hope you people out there have a great day!
love you guys...buaiz2! (",)

My brains were working @ 01:19


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Thursday, January 27, 2005
i'm in exco, again

she talked to me this morning. Instinctively, i knew it was with rgds to prefects. I thought my term was already over in the exco but i was wrong. She said i'm still in but under very strict monitoring.
Erm, maybe i should say that last year, i had some hiccups, fall short of expectations and etc. so you get the idea that during my term, i couldn't really prove my ability. Not that i wasn't given the chance but due to lack of experience etc. i cocked up one major event but succeed in the little-little ones. So, she said she thought it would be unfair to remove me from exco as i was in the exco in the first place because i've got the potential.
Hence, the position in exco and the strict monitoring. She told me things which i've heard a couple of times before. It's not that they are repeated things i do but rather points which she repeats but did not realize that i have not done the mentioned things no more. A typical example would be not attending cca....hee3...but since march or june last year, i've started attending and i've 'proven' myself since then thus i'm also in the NP exco - but admin dpt. hahakz....they wanted to put me in welfare then i was like...erghhh...not again! hahakz...
But i am sure there wouldn't be any hiccups this year as i want a good testimonial badly...hahakz...so this is one area where i can have the teachers talk about me. Actually, i have to thank her and charles peng for not removing me from the exco. I've realised that if they did, then i wouldn't be receiving a glowing report due to the shortcomings i had during my term as i left without a good impact. So, i would make the best out of it this time.
Anyway, i've got three tests tomorrow. She postponed the amaths test from today to tomorrow. Then we postponed our physics test frm today to tomorrow because we thought the maths test would be today and you get the idea right. My class bargained with tan ling see to postpone the test on monday but i didn't want to. Furthermore, she said the test would only be a 10-min one so everyone agreed to get it done and over with. Then chemistry was already fixed way back so there's no questions on post-poning it. Thank god i already studied physics yesterday, and a maths too so today i'll focus on chemistry. If i have enough time, then i'll go through maths again then physics..hee3....
Before i forget, i have my newspaper report draft 2 to submit 2mr....drama 2mr too....my, it's been ages since i last attended drama as it always clashes with np and since np is my 1st cca, i have to go for np instead...boo-hoo....i'll be so wild and crazy once i'm with the drama people!!!! hee3....

My brains were working @ 18:08


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Tuesday, January 25, 2005
She's right

well, believe it or not, my situational piece is a newpaper report on the recent tsunami. That aside, today, i discovered how strong a woman can be. I salute her. She concealed her fears and worries so cleverly that even i did not realise what she was going through, until she told us her story.
She lost an aunt in the tsunami. Though a distant aunt, come on, they're from the same family. Relatives will always stay connected together as one large unit no matter how distant you can be.
Take for example, myself and khairul. We're such distant cousins but end up being very close to one another. Okay. Maybe mine and khairul is a different case because we only found out we're cousins after being friends and i spent all my time in secondary school being in the same class with him. This year, i even sit next to him!
But the thing is, there's this unmistakable and unbreakable bond that people of the same blood share. That's empathy. I could tell her voice was quavering when she told us what happened and was she trying to hold back her tears. I felt for her. I really did. Tears were welling up in my eyes as she poured out her story. For confidentiality's sake, i can't mention who and what actually happened or how she actually lost her aunt. I pity the kids. The one person they see as their wall of support has now crumbled to nothing but debris. But will the boys turn their lives into debris too? No matter how strong they are, the palpable guilt and remorse they felt for maybe not treating their mother better, or how they could have done things better will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives.
It made me realise that just in a snap of the finger, your life could turn 180 deg. and your life can be filled with a standstill, silence, regret, guilt,fear,loss,devastated. You can take days preparing for a journey you're going to take on a holiday. But just how much time are you given to prepare for a journey that will take your life away in an instant just like that? You're given no time at all. You can't even bid a final goodbye.
So while we, the ones who are not affected by this phenomenon continue lives as normal, the other side of the world is crying and grieving. She said, while we are still around, be nice to the people you meet. Be it everyday, just for a second or a minute or an hour. Show them your love and appreaciation. To parents, fellow friends,schoolmates, siblings and whoever else that know you. I know i will. I'll never forget what this lesson taught me.

My brains were working @ 18:05


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Saturday, January 22, 2005
NUS - My would-be school

Muahahahaha...i just got back from NUS. I had the Malay mendeklamasikan sajak taklimat from the students there. Met a few guys and girls and they're all very crazy, friendly (and cute) people! hee3...It was an eye opener, really. This lady, Nurlieja-something Mas'at was the mantan NUS student and she took sastera MELAYU and wow..she's amazing! Hahakz...a very talented young lady.
So she gave this workshop on sajak-writing etc. etc. Like i said, it was an eye opener. At first when i knew there was a workshop i was so dreading it but at the end of the day i think it was meaningful and very beneficial.
But, sad thing is, i couldn't make it to nazilah's house to watch the pianist coz the workshop ended later than expected. I feel so bad because i made her change the time and some of them couldn't make it and now, after the time has changed for my sake, i couldn't make it! haiz....
I'm left with a maths hmk....on 2nd application of differentiation - rate of change and studying for chem electrolysis test and geog development indicators test...haiz....and must be prepared for emaths loci & constructions test! eeerrrggghhh!!!
know what, i feel like going swimming 2mr at delia's place...or maybe cck sports centre or at j.e....saper2 nak ikut???

My brains were working @ 17:10


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Friday, January 21, 2005
What can i say

ergh! i so hate the feeling of not being able to accept people.
For this one guy, please understand that i just can't bring myself to get back to you. The last time we were together was two years ago. From last year, after syazwan and i broke up up till now, you are still bothering me, asking for me back. The last time i told you i could not take you back despite your sugar-coated words and promises, you said you understand and won't bug me. But what's happening now is just the reverse.
You know it's so irritating whenever you call me sayang etc. etc. because i don't even feel drawn to you. What's more, you saw another one of your ex and told someone that you want her back too. What the fuck? You can't even make up your mind - whether it's me or her despite us being two completely different people and here you are bugging me, saying that you love me and that you want me back. I thought i still had respect for you as my friend but it has all gone away, blown away with the wind.
In my mind, you're reduced to nothing but a jerk; a desporado;a hypocrite which makes me hate you even more. Now, can you just get lost from my life. I have other problems to deal with than just you being stuck on me. Last words : Find someone else! I don't care if i sound bitchy but i'm just so vexed on him. Close peeps - you should know who......
ade ke hari raya haji aku ckp macam gini? hahakz...Anyways, to all the Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya Haji!

My brains were working @ 13:05


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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
getting the hang of it

so kiddos...i've somewhat adjusted to the pace of the pretty much acclaimed - 'sec 4 life' but basically it is not much of a diff as compared to last year, perhaps more pressure this year! hahakz...I'm proud to declare that i'm the creator of 4/9's taggyline erm i mean class tagline - 'it's not failure that weighs you down but it's the way you carry it' sounds familiar? muahahaha.... previously it was ' 1% aspiration, 99% perspiration and 100% distinction' hahakz...then my form teacher was like...99% perspiration, won't all of you die of dehydration? hahakz so she decided to change it and my idea was picked by the majority of the class...ceyyy...like....BIG DEAL!!! hahakz...Anyways, i failed my a maths differentiation test #2 while khairul scored! dah terbalik lak...and for differentiation test #3, both of us won't get full marks already...arghh!!!!! it's ok...i won't give up...hahakz...just for those of you who have yet to know, i'm a very determined person hahakz....neways...dunt be mad k if i'm not updating regularly....time-constraints lar my little papadums...hee3...gotta bounce chai chien!

My brains were working @ 23:03


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Sunday, January 16, 2005
love me when i'm gone

heya...wow...quite some time since i last blogged but i need you all to continue loving me and reading this when i'm gone kiez..hahakz...yes...i admit i love that song by three doors down hahakz...anyways, i'm preoccupied you see but you must still visit my bloggy kiez. and if i didn't link up any of you, tag me aites!
Anyways, went bowling yesterday, with haaziq, azhar,nisah and syahfiq to celebrate azhar's bdae which was actually on the twelveth..dah besar adik kakak sorang nie! taking his PSLE this year. Wish him all the best; jgn tgk cartoon jek! hahakz...
Hey, you guys know what? i wish to congratulate myself for having succeeded in revising the whole of thermal physics and doing the tys questions. But i'm going to attack tan ling see and ask her some questionsto clear my doubts...hahakz...so i'm left with revising general physics. Maybe i'll start next week. See how lar. But today, i'm going to start revising chemistry, electrolysis, to be exact. There's a test on that this thursday and shit! i must buy the chem wbk by today as there's chem 2mr!!!! And also get my ss tbk from kak huda...hee3...hope i can go out and meet someone today. Miss him so much. There's something that's burning in my mind. I can't get it out but i think i already know the answer. I feel so bad already just thinking about it.

My brains were working @ 10:26


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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
testS!!!

just when i thought the test is on friday, out of the blue she wants it 2mr!!! gosh...and with her maths txtbk hmk due 2mr, tys hmk due thursday, ss sbq test on thursday, chem ws and workbook due friday....my....i have all these hmk and its not even the end of the week yet! Anyways, the new prefect master came in...well...kinda gave a pep talk...at least there'll be someone who is strict when i leave the board! muahahahahaha...my batch only have to suffer with him for about half a year before we step down but to our dearest juniors, aww...i pity you guys. I can predict that things are different and will be different since he has his own visions, that ties-in with prema's 'vision'...well..at least they work together well...just hope they won't scold the prefects together as well! neways..gtg...need to study! buaiz...(wish me luck k) thank you, thank you, u're far too kind....sounds familiar? hahakz...k k i'm outta here!!!!

My brains were working @ 18:43


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Sunday, January 09, 2005
running away

First and foremost, happy suwit 16th bdae to nadia yeay....May all your wishes and dreams come true!

Wow. Now i really do not know where to start. Just when i thought i would spend my Sunday revising for 6 hours and mising my hindustan movie, the unexpected happen. Well, i don't wish to tell you my story as i chose not to dwell on the matter anymore. They say 'forgive & forget' and that's what my mom and i did.
One thing I can't change is the fact that i did run away from home. Well, i'm sure some of you would have your mouth gaping open by now. what? farzaana the top class student, np exco member, prefects exco member - the girl who's always all smiles ran away??? yes guys, what you're reading is true. I did run away. But i've reached home and i'm everything's sort of fine right now.

Credit must go to sha for letting me stay at her place.....jeejee for taking the trouble to rent vcds and come down to sha's place and to my baby who's there for me. Not forgetting lala aka nana too. I love you guys! I know my friends and my guy will always be there for me; no matter what sorta shit i'm going through. Thus proven, a friend in need is a friend indeed!

My brains were working @ 22:24


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Friday, January 07, 2005
no retest for me!!!!

yeay..i'm freaking happy today...firstly, i scored my a maths test..hee3...at least i began the year with a good start. hahakz...missed lessons because of orientation but i did my part to catch up with lessons so i don't lose out much. When philip was reading out the names of pple who failed or just pass, i was scared that i would fall into either category. i was sitting on my chair, keep on hoping that she would flip to the last paper very quickly and not read out my name. boy, was i relieved when she finished flipping through. the paper was on 14 and those people who scored below 11 marks had to take a retest on monday; a much harder paper, phew...i got 11. neways to the person sitting beside me in class, if you're reading this, don't feel too sad k..it's only the beginning of the year..i may score this paper but it's only one of the many tests she will give. so, don't feel too bad aite..i'm sure you can do the retest.Just don't be careless!!! Then next, the muster parade went well. The np cadets were given a chance to go to the reception...g.o.h. first of course! hahakz...i don't kbnow how much i ate but i knew i took every single kuih that was there! hahakz...it's not because i'm a glutton but rather because i'm tasting everything! wakakakakaka....of course i had the food shared among deliar and godzilla! hee3...well, for the weekend, i have a maths hmk, which i had completed (hooray!), english compo and not forgetting my holz hmk for malay which i have yet to do - a composition!!!! waaawaaawaaa...k lar...gotta bounce! have a wonderfoooool weekend!

My brains were working @ 21:27


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Thursday, January 06, 2005
G.O.H. here i come!!!!

muahahahahahahahahaha....finally, after 3 years in NPCC, i get to be IN the contingent! hahakz...whenever i'm in the g.o.h. my oc unit will go, farzaana, i need you for the emcee....heart pain ar...esp national day parade and awards day last year! hahakz...then this time, i told her, cher cannot lar...everytime i want to be in the contingent u ask me to be the emcee...i get someone else lar...then luckily she agreed! hahakz...so yesterday and today reached home ard 7plus..then ard 8 haf to start hmk oredi...sian lehz...hahakz....but today i wasn't happy lar...supp to be the left marker..then sudd this one guy pop up and just because he was taller than me( slightly only..sob sob) he get to be the left amrker then i haf to be beside the right marker...waah..v boring lehs...i prefer be left amrkercoz my side got ahmad and wei hong, keat sions...then we always talk cock hee3....if possible, don't want that guy come lehs 2mr...so the sebok you know...neways...today had a maths test on differentiation. It went a-ok except for the last qns where i cocked up..shud haf subsituted the value of x!!!! haiyo!!! but i hope i can still get marks...hee3...and luckily, today i can be in class the whole day as the psl programme ended yesterday...woohoo....oryty then, i gotta bounce....don't feel shy to tag my board aites! doodles....

My brains were working @ 21:40


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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
draggy, tirey daye...

hahakz....hello people! i've had a very tiring day today, and i really meant tiring! neways, all of this tired-ness of the psl programme will end 2mr!!! wakakakakak...err, maybe actually friday? after the muster parade. The first lesson i had was english and man...i'm so blessed to be in Band 1 in prema's class....oh no! the 4/5 and 4/8 peeps have yet to see the other side of her. Her lesson today was a-ok...she was all smiles and all that friendly, mainly telling us the overview of the year. Up next was chem...rico chow was fun! She is the most animated teacher....hahakz...very cartoonish and yeah..she has a different mindset..same like me...i was shocked when she said what she said coz i thought i was the only one who wasn't thinking along the lines of a so-called educated person..hahakz....i had fun...hope i'll be able to pull up my chem grades though...As for a maths, mrs philip had started on differentiation and damn, the prefects had to leave for the orientation programme after she just went through the first example. And tomorrow, we'll be having 2 hrs of a maths before recess and yup, we'll have to leave early again! Luckily all this madnes will come to an end tomorrow and i don't think i'll favour asking for early leave from lesson to eat as we have duties during recess. I'll rather not miss my lessons! hahakz....neways, huda and jannah came to school today; they were bored at home....i chatted with them hahakz...slack a while at the canteen...we had a good laugh man, talking abt ahem-ahem....hahakz...and on the way home today i met him....miss him so much.....hee3...allright..i better stop before i get more mushy and stuff....neways..i must remember to bring 31 bucks 2mr to pay for 2 nco tshirts!!! hee3..remind me aites! thx guys! take care!!!

My brains were working @ 18:03


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Sunday, January 02, 2005
whaddaya think????

phew....finally a new skin fer the eyes...hahakz...i mixed contents and pix of skins and come up with this!!! waddaya think?? like the prologue in the beginning? style uh...hahakz....neways, i managed to cut out abt 100+ newspaper cuttings for oral conversation file.But sadly, i lost my oral practice file. So this means i've to photocopy its contents from someone else tomorrow. I'm like looking forward to school. It is strange. I was dreading school this whole week and suddenly it was like, oh yeah! school's tomorrow! hahakz...what rubbish! But what i am SO not looking forward to is the diagnostic tests and the prefects' meetings; especially, the beginning of the year where there're lots of 'feedback' regarding psl programme. Hey, i'll be changing my prologue maybe fortnightly..or maybe monthly? what's your choice??? tag me aites!

tata titi tutu kiter chaoz dulu

My brains were working @ 19:20


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Saturday, January 01, 2005

so what did i do on the year's first new day? you wouldn't believe it! Ispent the whole day filing worksheets that were supposed to be filed in looong time ago!!! hahakz....i said the whole day coz i woke up at 1300..can you believe it? i think it was because i didn't want to get up when the rain was still pouring and oh, it was so cozy man!!! Hahakz...and after that, i spent the rest of the time doing admin stuff. I've re-arranged practically everything by topics and left one section for practice papers...i did ss, geog, chem, physics, e maths.....still left with a maths to be sorted out. I don't think i'll be doing malay and english coz eng...must sort into 5 diff ring files ( mdm prema's madness) and for malay, i took out all the w/s and left the ring file at the cabinet in school!!! wakakakakka...well, i need a new file for e maths, chemistry and a maths! i can't even place the fasteners in place for all these files!!

My brains were working @ 18:33


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